<font color='black' size='4' face='Times New Roman, Times, serif'><STRONG><FONT size=5 face=Arial>Theological Themes: John 20:19-31<br>
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</FONT></STRONG><FONT face=Arial><FONT size=4>It is difficult for me to read this text and not visualize the famous painting by Carravagio, "The Incredulity of Thomas" (A "Google images" search will turn it up, if you havent seen it.). In this picture, Jesus stands with several of his disciples, Thomas at the front of the group. Jesus is holding open his robe, baring his chest and showing the gash from the sword with which he was pierced on the cross (See Jn 19:34). With his left hand he guides Thomas right index finger directly into the wound. With this gesture Carravagio draws the viewers attention so powerfully that she almost feels Jesus flesh for herself as the tip of Thomas finger disappears through the fold in Jesus skin. All three disciples crane to see Thomas touch Jesus, and Thomas own expression is a mixture of amazement, awe, and fear. It is an incredibly realistic scene: the sheer physicality of the men dominates with their faces creased and deeply lined and the nail mark visible on Jesus left hand. <br>
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It may be true, as Jesus says, that those who believe in Jesus even though they have not seen him are particularly blessed, but I do not mind saying that I find myself deeply sympathetic to Thomas in this scene. Like Thomas, I want to see Jesus, I want to touch Jesus, I want, like Mary, to wrap my arms around him and cling to him. I find Thomas reaction entirely believable, and, for good or ill, I can imagine myself in Thomas place demanding the same thing. There is, I think, a little of Thomas in all of us the nagging voice that whispers in our ear every now and then, "maybe it isnt true," "maybe youre wrong," "maybe this is all a waste of time." When we hear that voice we doubt our faith, we doubt ourselves, and we desperately wish for proof proof we can see, proof we can touch.<br>
The truth is, however, that this "doubt" Thomas so vividly embodies is not something opposed to our faith, a sign that our faith is weak, or even something that years of church going and Bible reading can make disappear. Instead, doubt is something that goes hand-in-hand with faith, and is, in fact, an inextricable part of it. No one knew this better than the great 20th century master of existential anxiety, Paul Tillich.</FONT> <br>
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</FONT><FONT face=Arial><FONT size=4>For Tillich, faith describes the experience of a finite being, an individual human being who is grasped by God, the Ultimate, the ground of all Being, the One who surpasses and exceeds every attempt at full comprehension and understanding. Even in the midst of this experience and this relationship, the radical gap, the infinite chasm between God and humanity always remains, standing as a constant reminder of human frailty, finitude, and fallenness. Thus, the very act of faith requires that we believe in someone we cannot fully know, someone who calls us to follow down paths whose ends we cannot see, and someone who demands of us an obedience and trust beyond anything we can conceive of in our daily lives. <br>
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Tillich believed that if you take all this seriously you will realize that it is impossible to accept it all without some questions, some concerns, and some hesitation. Thus, Tillich writes: "Faith is certain in so far as it is an experience of the holy. [In other words, faith is reliable not because of what we are or what we do, but because of who God is, and what God does.] But faith is uncertain in so far as the infinite to which it is related is received by a finite being. This element of uncertainty in faith cannot be removed, it must be accepted."</FONT><FONT size=2>1 </FONT><FONT size=4>Thus, for Tillich, the very act of faith is a risk, and consequently, the very act of faith is inseparable from the doubt such a profound risk carries with it inherently. He writes, "The doubt which is implicit in every act of faith
is the doubt which accompanies every risk."</FONT><FONT size=2>2</FONT></FONT> <FONT size=4 face=arial>As contrary as it might seem, as people of faith, we were, are, and will be subject to doubt. As long as we exist in this relationship with God, that doubt will be with uswhether we can put our finger in Jesus side or not.</FONT><FONT face=arial> <br>
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</FONT><FONT size=4 face=arial>Another way that Tillich articulates this reality of doubt is with the language of "in spite of." He says, "There is no faith without an intrinsic in spite of and the courageous affirmation of oneself in the state of ultimate concern."</FONT><FONT size=2 face=arial>3</FONT> <FONT size=4 face=arial>What he means is that Christians affirm their faith "in spite of:" Christians affirm that God exists in spite of the fact that there is still so much evil in the world. Christians affirm that God loves us in spite of the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Christians affirm the fact that Jesus is risen in spite of the fact that deaths ravaging hand still comes to all, sometimes much, much too soon. I am a Christian and I believe, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. The bottom line is that faith takes courage. It takes courage to affirm oneself as a person of faith when so many of our friends and family members have abandoned faith as an antiquated and irrelevant mode of being in the world. It takes courage to trust in God and the grace of Gods presence when life seems marked by death, despair, and misfortune. It takes courage to believe in what we cannot see, to trust in what we cannot touch, to affirm what we cannot prove. This courage does not rest on our strength alone, but on the same God who continually calls us, loves us, and redeems us, walking with us every step of the way. As Tillich says, "<I>The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when God has disappeared in the anxiety of doubt.</I>"</FONT><FONT size=2 face=arial>4<br>
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</FONT><FONT size=4 face=arial>As this text reminds us, Jesus appeared to Thomas, even when Thomas faith had all but vanished in his doubt and despair at seeing his savior crucified on the cross. Like Thomas, even in the midst of our disbelief and misgivings, God shows up, God is there for us, God doesnt abandon us. Today and every day, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God still comes to us that we might believe and have life and life abundant in Jesus Christ.</FONT><FONT face=arial> <br>
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</FONT><FONT size=4 face=arial>Kristin Johnston Largen<br>
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<B>Notes<br>
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</B>1. Paul Tillich, <I>Dynamics of Faith, </I>(New York: Harper & Brothers Publishers, 1957), 16.<br>
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2. Ibid., 20.<br>
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3. Ibid., 21.<br>
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4. Paul Tillich, <I>The Courage to Be, </I>(New Haven, CT: Yale Nota Bene, Yale University Press, 2000), 190, authors italics.<br>
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