<font color='black' size='4' face='Times New Roman, Times, serif'><span>Humor: False Prophets and Messiahs</span>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Several years ago,
Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks did a comedy skit called the "2013 Year Old
Man". In the skit, Reiner interviews Brooks, who is the old gentleman.
At one point, Reiner asks the old man, "Did you always believe in the
Lord?"</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Brooks replied: "No. We had a guy in our village named Phil, and for a time we worshiped him."</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Reiner: You worshiped a guy named Phil? Why?</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Brooks: Because he was big, and mean, and he could break you in two with his bare hands!</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Reiner: Did you have prayers?</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Brooks: Yes, would you like to hear one? O Phil, please don't be mean, and hurt us, or break us in two with your bare hands.</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Reiner: So when did you start worshiping the Lord?</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Brooks: Well, one
day a big thunderstorm came up, and a lightning bolt hit Phil. We
gathered around and saw that he was dead. Then we said to one another,
"There's somthin' bigger than Phil!"</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Tim Carpenter, Sermon Illustrations</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>__________________</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Is The Mule For Sale?</span></div>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Once upon a time
there was a woman married to an annoying man. He would complain about
everything. One day he went to the creek with his mule. He complained so
much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death. At the funeral,
when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every
time the women walked by she shook her head no. </span></div>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>The minister asked
"Why are you shaking your head yes for men and no for women?" Her
response was, "The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was
saying, "Yes, I'll be alright." When the women walked by, they were
asking if the mule was for sale . . . "</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Staff, <a shape="rect" target="_blank" href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001A4jOth38GTbg_-ESZVv13mcR8LDNzKpxIMhm9ZlT8lcVeFql9qe0r1PLWngy-s4v1arWWOK0Rolaq6J7HKqdxF_Tb0jU-SPu1PDHBir8N00=">www.Sermons.com</a> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>__________________</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>"I Would Plant an Apple Tree"</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Martin Luther was
once asked what he would do if he knew that the world was coming to an
end tomorrow, and he said: "I would plant an apple tree." In other
words, Luther, trusting in God's gracious, unmerited mercy would live
life just as he had been living it. When John Wesley was asked the same
thing, being an obsessive-compulsive type, he said that he would arise
at 4:00 AM, preach at 5:00 visit the sick at 7:00, go to communion at
8:00...etc., until the questioner realized that that was exactly what
Wesley had planned to do tomorrow anyway! Because we believe that God is
like Christ, we can dare to live in faith and hope and love now;
trusting God for whatever the future holds, because we believe that God
holds the future, and that God's Name and God's Nature are love. </span></div>
<span>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><br>
Donald B. Strobe, Collected Words, <a shape="rect" target="_blank" href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001A4jOth38GTbg_-ESZVv13mcR8LDNzKpxIMhm9ZlT8lcVeFql9qe0r1PLWngy-s4v1arWWOK0Rolaq6J7HKqdxF_Tb0jU-SPu1PDHBir8N00="><span>www.Sermons.com</span></a> </div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>_____________________</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Don't Panic</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>"Don't panic!"
Those are the words I frequently say when someone has come to see me and
they are in the midst of a crisis. They may have lost their job, had a
marital crisis, a problem with a child, or found themselves in serious
financial trouble. They are anxious. It seems like the world is caving
in on them. They feel lonely and afraid. They can't see any way out of
their predicament. </span></div>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>It has been my
experience over the years as a pastor that when folks are desperate they
tend to run, quit or act in haste. I am not discounting their pain or
minimizing the crisis, rather I am merely helping them to see that their
perceptions have exaggerated the crisis. Or, they have a distorted
perception of reality.</span></div>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>This was the case
with the disciples. They were being persecuted by an oppressive
government. They were powerless and under immense pressure. All seemed
dark and hopeless, so much so that they wondered if the "end" was near.
They were desperate, blinded by their anxiety and totally unable to see
into the future. </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>They are no
different than us. Whenever things are happening in the world of epic
proportions, like hurricanes, wars, catastrophes or plagues there are
those who believe that the world is coming to an end.</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Keith Wagner, Are You Having an Anxiety Attack? </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>____________________</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>History is Going Somewhere</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>William Barclay
wrote in his book The Mind of St. Paul, "The great value of the doctrine
of the Second Coming is that it guarantees that history is going
somewhere. We cannot tell how it will happen. We cannot take as literal
truth the Jewish pictures of it which Paul used. We need not think of a
physical coming of Christ in the clouds, or a physical trumpet blast.
But what the doctrine of the Second Coming conserves is the tremendous
fact that there is one divine, far-off event to which the whole creation
is moving; there is a consummation; there is a final triumph of God." </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>William Barclay, The Mind of St. Paul, New York: Harper and Bros. 1958, p.229 </span></div>
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<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>____________________</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Gollum's Riddle</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>In the Hobbit by
JRR Tolkein Bilbo Baggins has met Gollum for the first time. Bilbo is
lost and needs to find his way out of Gollum's cave. Gollum will show
him the way out if he can answer a riddle.</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>This thing all things devours,</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Gnaws iron, bites steel;</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Grinds hard stone to meal;</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Slays king, ruins town,</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>And beats high mountain down.</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>Bilbo is stumped...</span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span> </span></div>
<div style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px"><span>The rest of this
illustration, as well as many additional illustrations and sermons for
this week, Thanksgiving, and Advent, can be accessed at <a shape="rect"><span>www.Sermons.com</span></a>. </span></div>
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